redneck witch fool moon telemarketers scalping party

    The newest chapter in A Redneck Witch’s Tales From the Crypt, being wrote by my Lady Bug, as we move me to her pad this week. If you don’t like laffin’ & cussin’, then better steer clear of rednecks and witches.

Redneck witch fool moon telemarketers scalping party

My phone does not ring much anymore, I wonder why? 

I feel like I should have some laughter today, as I had a somewhat kind of sadness but it's over now. One monkey doesn't stop a show. This train is going to keep on rolling. 

Here are some of my favorite calls. Gary is my deceased husband.

Them: May I please speak to Garrrry?(foreign voice) 

Me: Sure if you can get him out of the river where I put his ashes to go down to the ocean. Hang up.

Them: May I please speak to Crisssss.(foreign voice)

Me: Speaking

Them: Are you ok today? (they want yes on their recorder) Spammers

Me: What the hell do you want?

Them: I noticed you have severe back issues and we can help you. 

Me: I don't have back issues. I have a pain in the ass from these calls plus I got a sexually transmitted disease that my coochie itches all the time and you scratch it until it bleeds. Can you send me some cream or medicine for that? Scabs and blood everywhere. (dead silence on other end) I never knew I could make a man go silent, but I did! Then they hang up.

Political call: Do you mind me asking who you are going to vote for this year? What party?

Me: Honey, I can’t vote. I am a convicted felon for murdering several people, dismembering them, disposing of the bodies, never to be found, I think some were telemarketers. They hang up fast. 

Them:  May I please speak to Gary?

Me: If you hold on, let me go get his urn of ashes and glue him back together, you can then talk to him. Hang up.

Them: Hello Crissssss.

Me: What the hell do you want?

Them: I want to offer you, (whatever they are trying to push) 

Me: I do NOT talk to fucking terrorists. 

Them: Lady, I am American. 

Me: The fuck you are. If you are American, I am not! I do not talk to terrorists in person or on the phone.

I hang up, block them and they call back. I block again.

I sometimes love to fuck with them really nasty when they call. One time, one called to ask me if I needed a new septic tank. My reply (in a deep Southern redneck drawl, “No sweetie, we live in the country, we ain’t got running water and I shit in the woods with a newspaper for toilet paper. They never called again!

Them: I’d like to discuss a trip for you, I am with (never heard of it) travel agency. 

Me: Sweetie, I ain't got no legs and I am blind plus I ain't got no one to take me. Hang up. Got the evil eye from Mr.  Never called back.

Them: Is this Crisssss?

Me: What the hell do you want? 

They started in their bullshit spill about something I was not interested in. I picked up the Bible and I know I read them two chapters, at least.

One time in my little girl voice, I answered the phone. 

Them: May I please speak to one of your parents?’

Me: Nope they are in their room and I am eating a sucker and they told me not to come in there unless the house was on far. I was snorting like I had snot coming out. 

Them: Are you sure they can’t come to the phone?

Me: Nope I can’t. I was told not to come in and I think my Mama is hurt. She is screaming.

Hang up. Never called again!

How I deal with ATT Uverse. 

Them: Welcome to ATT, please say what you need. 

Me: Yayayayayayadkdkdkkdkdt969tt9t9t9 ggiggigiggnnn- like a foreign language at the nail shop. 

Them: I am sorry I did not get that, please say again what you need;

Me: Yayayayayayadkdkdkkdkdt969tt9t9t9 ggiggigiggnnn

Them: Let me get you an agent. 

I go straight to a human, bypass all that button pushing crap.

Yeah, I got fucking full moon madness. I should hang that sign up outside. It is truly a full moon madness. I do not want to go into detail, but it was a bad fucking day and I was nice and didn’t cast any spells or say anything mean to anyone- yet. I wish I could get my 410 and shoot that fucker out of the sky. MMS, like PMS, but Moon Madness. You can lock me in a cellar with no windows or nothing, and I can knock on the door when the moon is about two days from being full and two days after. It is a hard ride to deal with it, but somebody has to do it.

To that man in the full moon. Man in the moon, I’ll be sleeping with zero clothes on tonight, so you can KMA. I hate the moon and what it does to me. Is there any way to escape?  

Now in a few weeks Mercury will be in Retrograde again and I‘ll be batshit crazy again. 

I know most of you are saying, “What's new”?  

I am writing a book. 

I told Bed Bug to make sure it was published when I was dead. That way I won't have to face anyone!!!!! 

He laughed, said, “That ain’t how the moon works. She, not you, Witch, controls the tides. There ain’t no man in the moon, there is only the moon, and she ain’t about to let no man control her, and that’s how it is. As for Mercury, tend to him like he’s a telemarketer.”

a patriot’s assessment of American presidents, wars and cults

    I recently found myself thinking about the American presidents in my life, which began October 7, 1942.

    I think Franklin D. Roosevelt might still have been president when I was born. My father went into the Pacific Theater in World War II as a B-29 bomber navigator and bombardier, thinking the Japanese had pulled off a sneak attack at Pearl Harbor, which caused America to enter that war against Nazi Germany, Italy and Japan. I don’t know if my father ever heard that President Roosevelt knew the Japanese would bomb Pearl Harbor and he did not warn the Pacific Fleet, because he wanted America to get into that war. 

    I don’t know if my father ever heard that Roosevelt’s vice president, Harry S. Truman, who became president when Roosevelt died, wrote in his personal diary that he did not drop the two A-bombs on Japan to win the war against Japan. Japan was trying to surrender. He dropped the A-bombs on Japan to intimidate the Russians. 

    I recall watching news clips of Truman firing General Douglass McArthur during the Korean War, because McArthur wanted to drop A-bombs to win that war, which ended in a stalemate in the middle of Korea after the Red Chinese Army invaded northern Korea to drive the American led UN forces back deep into Korea. 

    I recall General Dwight D. Eisenhower, who defeated Truman, said on television as he left his second term in the White House, for Americans to beware of the military-industrial complex. Eisenhower was America’s top general in the war against Germany during World War II. 

        I recall Eisenhower’s vice president, Richard Nixon, got beat by John F. Kennedy, who came to Vanderbilt during my freshman year and told us students not to ask what our country could do for us, but to ask what we could do for our country? During my sophomore year, President Kennedy was shot and killed. It was years before I learned he had opposed America getting into a war in Vietnam.

    President Kennedy's brother Bobby, who became a U.S. Senator and campaigned for president, said he opposed America being at war in Vietnam, and he was shot and killed. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcom-X opposed America being at war in Vietnam and they were shot and killed. John F. Kennedy’s vice president, Lyndon Baines Johnson, became president and promised on national TV that he would never send American boys to die in a war in Asia, and then he did what he said he would not do.

    Richard Nixon got elected by saying he had a plan to end the Vietnam war, which basically was to train the South Vietnam troops, then hightail his troops back to America. It was many years before I learned that America wanted Vietnam’s rubber trees, and the CIA had helped Ho Chi Minh and his troops to beat France, which had made Vietnam a colony, which France lost to Japan during World War II. Ho wanted to do business with America, but America asked for too much and Ho asked the Soviet Union to help him beat America in Vietnam, and the Soviet Union did just that.

    Nixon got the notion that the president could do no wrong, and he was run out of office over Watergate and was pardoned by his vice-president Gerald Ford, who was beaten by Jimmy Carter, who was a decent man and a real Christian, but decent men and real Christians don’t win second terms, and Carter was beaten by the so-called Moral Majority candidate Ronald Reagan, whose Reaganomics drove the prime rate up to 22 percent and plunged America into a deep financial crisis. Reagan led America into the Iran-Contra affair, and said he had no recollection of key events. He died of Alzheimer’s.

    Regan's vice-president, the former CIA Director George Bush, became the next president, and he lead a coalition to save Kuwait from Iraq’s army, which infuriated Osama bin Laden and led to the 9/11 World Trade Towers bombings in 2001.

    Bush promised during his campaign that he would not raise taxes, and then he raised taxes and he got beat out of a second term in the White House by Arkansas’s governor, Bill Clinton. Before Clinton won that race, I mailed him a copy of KUNDALINA, ALABAMA (A Strange Tale, and he mailed me back a thank you note. I wrote him a note saying, if he got elected, his mission would be to make a national apology from America to Vietnam for the Vietnam war. Clinton did that during his second term in the White House.

    Also during his second term, President Clinton sent his military into Bosnia with other UN nations' military, and after that terrible war ended, Clinton furnished an US Military transport airplane to carry American businessmen to Bosnia and the plane went down there killing all aboard. I wrote President Clinton a letter, in which I told him ending the horrible Bosnia war was a good thing, but it did not mean American corporations should benefit from it. Meaning, the plane went down because it should not have been used for that.

    I watched President George Bush II and his vice president Dick Cheney, who had been Halliburton’s CEO, get America into two wars in the Middle East that America could not and did not win, but Halliburton and the rest of the U.S. military industrial complex and the Devil enjoyed those rich white men wars for corporate profit. 

    I watched “Hope, Change” Time Person of the Year half-African descent President Barack Obama continue the Bush-Cheney wars after he accepted the Nobel Peace Prize.

    I watched Obama’s Secretary of State Hillary Clinton try to out hawk her boss, and then I watched Donald Trump ask Russia to dig up dirt on Hillary, so he could be America’s president. After Trump was elected, I watched him say on TV that Afghanistan and Iraq’s mineral and other natural resourses should be monetized to repay America for what those two wars cost America, more specifically, American taxpayers, of whom Trump was not, based on his tax returns.

    I watched President Joe Biden give Israel the weapons and money it needed to level Gaza and fight Islam there and throughout the Middle East, even though Israel has no strategic importance to America.

    I think America is insane when it comes to war, and President Eisenhower and President Kennedy tried to end that insanity, and now Israel, with President Biden and the U.S. Congress’s help, seems very close to starting World War III.

    If Donald Trump is elected president next month, what will happen overseas? What foreign country, friend or foe, could trust anything he says? What foreign country, friend or foe, could anticipate anything he might do?

    If Trump is elected next month, what will happen in America? 

    If Trump is not elected next month, what will happen in America?

    Someone got all over me yesterday for publishing recently that I had asked God to take me and Trump. If the FBI saw that post, the FBI would be all over me. I did not say, because the person is a red hot MAGA who believes everything Trump says, that maybe half of Americans are praying Trump will die, but they don’t tell anyone, just like in 2016, many Americans wouldn’t tell pollsters that they would vote for Trump, because they didn’t want anyone to know.  

    Angels known in the Bible, revered in Christendom, Catholicism, and Judaism, changed me so that I could discern spirits, starting with what was inside of me, and expanding to what was in people around me, and beyond that. Donald Trump has been completely taken over by a demonic entity similar to the demonic entity that took over George Wallace and the demonic entity that took over Adolph Hitler. 

    Wallace and Hitler, and now Trump, were enhanced in the sense they can mesmerize people with certain conscious or unconscious inclinations and prejudices. You can liken those three men to Jim Jones and Charles Manson- Satanic cults, demonically infected to the core, top to bottom. 

    I do not give Joe Biden, Kamala Harris and their followers a free pass, for they please the demonic realms, too. But they are not yet as corrupted as Trump and people who support him. That is the grim state of America, told by an American, whose allegiance really is to God and country.

    I have good friends on both sides of the red and blue fences, who do not seem to have any sense of what is in play on their sides of the fence. They only see what is on the other side of the fence.

sloanbashinsky@yahoo.com

today I decided to move into the country

    The small signs says, “Anything she wants." 

    Today, I decided to move into the country about 25 miles north of Birmingham. After graduating from the University of Alabama School of Law, I nearly moved to Troy, Alabama, to be a country lawyer, but I let my father and his father and their lawyer talk me out of it. I will not be a country lawyer this time- unless you count trying cases and being on trial myself every day and night in God’s Courtroom.

    After moving back to Birmingham in 2019, I spent 5 years driving from my apartment in  Southside down to Shelby County, to play chess with other old farts in a senior center and public libraries, and to play bridge at the Birmingham Bridge Club, where I made a lot of friends around my age and older and younger. That’s a lot of long busy road miles and I don’t know if I’m up to it. 

    Maybe I might start fishing again, or become a birdwatcher, or a quilt weaver, or a tornado chaser, or whatever; and I will keep writing and doing podcasts. My ladybug says she has lots of business and stuff to do in Shelby County, and she will see to it that I keep seeing my friends down there. 

    We have thought a lot about what has become of America, and it ain’t pretty, and there’s nothing we, or anyone, can do about it. Donald Trump clearly is criminally insane, yet he may be elected in a few weeks. If not, America gets Kamala Harris, who has yet to impress us. Joe Biden did not impress, as president. Donald Trump could have been a good president- if he had not loved himself more than anything. 

      Trump botched the Covid shutdown by not making Dr. Vladimir Zelenko’s cheap, fast, early stage infection cure freely available in America, and on the sneak Trump sent Vladimir Putin  several scarce, fancy Covid detection machines for his personal use, which Americans needed to try to stay alive. Trump did not get America out of the war in Afghanistan, and after President Biden got America out of Afghanistan, he was criticized by Trump for the way it was handled.  

    Regardless of who is president, America defends Israel because of the Bible. But for the Bible, what interest would America have in the Middle East?  

    Three nights before 9/11, Archangel Michael asked me in my sleep, “Will you make a prayer for a Divine Intervention for all of America?” I woke up and made the prayer.

    A week after 9/11, Michael told me as I walked out of the Key West post office, “America should get out of the Middle East altogether and let Israel and Islam work it out, or fight it out, and in that way learn which, if either, are God’s chosen people.”

    Some months ago, I told God: “Take my life and Donald Trump’s life,” which, as an American, I had standing to do. So far, Trump and I are still breathing, so I figure God has other plans. For all I know, America is so screwed up that God thinks America deserves Trump being president again. If Trump is not reelected, he and his legions will not go quietly. 

    My ladybug has guns and plenty of ammo and survival food. She has cisterns and a national gas generator. She has a pond full of tasty bass, bluegill bream and asian carp that eat algae. She has a big pickup truck, small tractors, raised vegetable gardens and fruit trees. We know how to shoot, fish, raise vegetables and cook. 

    I told my ladybug that I think she needs to plant more fruit trees and have a well dug and solar panels installed to provide electricity for the well and her home during blackouts. Our friend Bob, who does the tech work for my digitized books at archive.org and The Redneck Mystic Lawyer and the Not So Sweet Home Alabama podcasts, knows how to build devices that allow internal combustion engines to run on hydrogen extracted by electrolysis from freshwater. With those devices, we probably can live off the grid entirely.

    My ladybug has a posse of spirit women looking after her. I understand plainly that they put up with me for so long as I deserve to be put up with. I have a posse of angels on my case all the time. I wish Joe Biden, Donald Trump and Kamala Harris had similar posses riding them.

sloanbashinsky@yahoo.com