Sunday, October 21, 2018

last night I was asked in a dream, "What do you and Arnaud think are God's greatest disappointments?"

When I turned in last night, I told the angels who boss me around  that I didn't see anything to write about at this blog today, except perhaps something that happened at Jack Flats sports bar yesterday afternoon. (The details of that at the end of this post today.)
Then came what seemed a really important dream.

I was with a Birmingham, Alabama woman, whom I had deeply loved. I had met her in mid-1998, in my mother's Episcopal church, where I had been confirmed when I was 12. We met there just as I was coming out of a black night of the soul, which makes the dark night of the soul, which I'd also experienced a few years prior, seem like paradise. I would come to learn that she felt she would die and burn in hell forever, if she did not attend church every Sunday, and a man who is not making a living by his efforts, is not a man she could be with.  She made a lot of money, both as an IT expert and investing in securities. She was really good at that.

She held to that view about the man she was with, despite, she told me several times, that God was telling her that Sloan was going God's work and for her to quit nagging him about not making money at it. 

I kept telling her that if she did keep nagging me about it, then God would break us up. She kept nagging me about it, and one night, in her sleep, God told her, "You are not the one," and it scared her do death. That was the end of our being together. It tore us both up.

So, here she was in my dream last night. Then, she was facing away from me. The muscles in the calves of her legs were well-developed, like that of a ballerina, gymnast, or sprinter. 

The dream shifted. I was trying to decide whether to try to make a go of it with what little money I had, which surely would run out. Or, try to team up with Arnaud Girard, co-publisher of Key West the Newspaper (thebluepaper.com), which is published online and disturbs the local establishment. My old girlfriend was talking with Arnaud. Then, a familiar male voice asked me, "What do you and Arnaud think are God's greatest disappointments?"

I woke up.

Normally, the first thing I would answer was, I am one of God's greatest disappointments. I would answer that way, because, that's how I was trained to approach criticism: me, first. But given my old devout church-going girlfriend, for whom making money was so important, I wondered if the answer might be, that the bluepaper's and my blog's readers do not support us financially? That was tentative, because my criticize-me-first training is deeply ingrained, and it was Jesus who said in the Gospels, Hypocrite, first take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly enough to take the speck out of your brother's eye. 
I rent a small studio apartment in the home of Arnaud and his wife, Naja. I told them about my dream and my history with that girlfriend. I said, Daily page views at my blog started dropping after I started writing about really intense stuff. Maybe I'm writing to myself. Blue paper reader donations have not increased, even though your readership has increased considerably with the new format. So, I tentatively wonder if the dream means God's greatest disappointment is the blue paper and I are not being financially supported by our readers? 

I said, Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 11/9" did poorly at the box office, because it hammered Trump and the Republicans, and Barack Obama and Hillary and Bill Clinton, and the Democrats. Moore went all out to get the documentary in all the theaters before the November election. I think it's the best film about America, ever. It made me want to move to another country, when I was in the theater watching it. If Moore ran for president, I would vote for him.

Arnaud told a story of when he was a boy attending Catholic church Sunday school in France. The priests kept saying people look forward to dying and going to be in Paradise with Jesus. One day, Arnaud said Jesus would not want to be in Paradise, he would want to be in hell with the poor suffering people there, trying to help them, and that's where people should want to be with Jesus in the afterlife. 

I laughed.

Arnaud said he was made to leave the Sunday school class and a special priest was assigned to him. 

I said, when I was with that girlfriend, I went to Sunday school in her church, and kept saying things that rocked the boat, and I bet they were glad when I wasn't there anymore.

Arnaud said his father told him that he was born without common sense. 

I said, Perhaps my wondering about whether I should leave Key West and move back to Alabama to talk to a different audience and get the same results is misplaced? Perhaps I should keep doing that in Key West and the Florida Keys? In Hell. I have published a few times that Key West and the Florida Keys are a proxy for America. As it goes here, so goes America.

Arnaud said, Key West and the Florida Keys are a microcosm. I have used that word, too, I said.

Yet, I said, after after dream about us, there was another dream, in which my first wife, who lives in Alabama, took a shower and was coming on to me. I stayed in her home three times last year, following Hurricane Irma. Extensive visits. Not romantic. Friendship. I didn't then feel there was an opening in Alabama for me. Maybe there now is?

Arnaud went back to the question I had been asked in the dream: What do Arnaud and I think are God's greatest disappointments?

I said, given my old girlfriend was in the dream, in that context, the dream could be about the blue paper and and me not making money. It
 did not seem in the dream that the question was meant as criticism of us. It seemed like a genuine inquiry. 

Arnaud said, Whenever God brings up criticism, it is aimed at the person God is talking to. It is about that person. 

I said, that is how I was trained to view it.

Arnaud said he had to take his wife to breakfast, and they left.

My first wife did very well for herself financially, as a novelist, and then as a professional airplane pilot and investor, which she got into after we were together. Maybe that's why she came to me in that dream, and not about me moving back to Alabama? Maybe something will happen that will result in me making a living wage from what I write?

I tried many times to make money off my writing, and it went nowhere despite a great deal of wonderful media coverage and reviews of several books I wrote many years ago. 

Before I went crazy, many people said.

The later books, written by the crazy Sloan, were very different. Then came my blogs, which were very different. 

Often the blue paper and I were in the same book about something going on in Key West and the Florida Keys, but I tended to have my own take and personal history which supplemented what the blue paper had reported. Usually, but not always, I stuck to the human realm when I commented under blue paper articles.

Otherwise, I often was in my own solitary place, writing about the interface between human and spiritual realms.

I also was given to take on human events the blue paper did not cover locally and on the mainland and international. Even then, I was likely to drop into what I wrote human and spirit realms interface.
Below is an excerpt from a Facebook thread I included in yesterday's post. It grew more legs after yesterday's post was published. It kinda reminds me of Arnaud saying, If people want to be with Jesus, then they should join him in Hell. 

Below the Facebook thread is something that happened yesterday afternoon, which seemed to agree.

The amiga who posted this to Facebook is a retired RN nurse, who used to live in Key West but finally was forced to move to the mainland because she no longer could afford to live in "Paradise".
TRUMP: For the record I have no interests in Saudi Arabia (or Russia, for that matter). Any suggestion that I have is just more fake news.
FACTS: Prince Alwaleed invested in $325 million Plaza Hotel, saving it.
Prince Alwaleed bought Trump's yacht for $20 million.
The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia bought the entire 45th floor of Trump World Tower.
I don't know how many documented lies above 5000 that puts Trump, but the figure is up there. And yet, they still support him as though he were an honorable man. I don't get it. Most of the world doesn't get it, but 39% of Americans love him no matter what he does or says. He is the antithesis of Jesus Christ and his teachings and even atheists know this, and yet good Christian people still love the man and almost worship him, despite how sleazy and immoral he is. They still love the man and almost worship him, despite hearing him mock and ridicule good people every time he stands up there at one of his ego-stroking rallies. He calls good people, especially women, names that only middle school bullies would use, and yet they still love him and think he's a wonderful president, as he's disgracing the office of President of the United States of America every single day.
But one thing he said was the truth, though. He said, I could stand on Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and they'd still vote for me! And they're proving him right. He's done everything but shoot someone and they're still right there for him and for everything he says and does that the rest of us knows is abhorrent and shameful.

Carol Lyn Fedor Tavris

Carol Lyn Fedor Tavris I agree with you, Peggy! I am so stressed over this stuff! It occupies so much of my waking hours! I doubt that my mind will settle down even when the midterms are over and both House and Senate are controlled by the Democrats.
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Carol Lyn Fedor Tavris

Carol Lyn Fedor Tavris I do know that the Senate is really not looking good for us!
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Peggy Butler I just want to go to sleep and wake up when it's all over, Carol. I'm sick about it, too, and can't bear that good people are still supporting this monster and the very Republicans who are planning to ruin them - and us along with them. That's what I resent - their supporting these creeps whose primary goal is to get rid of the middle class and put many of us out on the streets, eventually. That they are too blind to see it. If all of us and the rest of the world see it, why can't they?
Heartsong Moore

Heartsong Moore i just can't figure: HOW is it possible ANY Truthfully Christian could appreciate or serve the utter dishonestly stealing $$$ fibbing Con Man -- at all?
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Jonathan Long

Jonathan Long Because the Evangelists are not Christian, they have become a cult!
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Sloan Bashinsky

Sloan Bashinsky some more in lockstep with the Devil (literally), than others; Trump is a cult leader; Hillary was a cult leader. Don't forget the Democrats ran the only candidate Trump could beat, so that's where I think the Democrats need to point their fingers, if they want want to be part of the solution. I can't imagine Trump and his base, or even the Republicans at large, being capable of looking in the mirror.
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Peggy Butler Sloan Bashinsky But Sloan, he did not beat Hillary. She got three million more votes from the people of this country than he did. I will always believe every electoral college member was paid off by him because he was way too sure of himself throughout the campaign. He KNEW he had it wrapped up before we even voted! I just hope the Democratic Party will get behind Joe Biden, because he is the only person out there who is respected by everyone. He says he'll be a one term president and then we can either have our first woman president if he chooses the right woman (Kamala Harris or Tammy Duckworth, maybe) or we can have Joe Kennedy III (my choice) for President when he steps down and with two terms of them, possibly three, hopefully we can get America back. If it goes the other way, I think a lot of us will be out of here!
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Sloan Bashinsky

Sloan Bashinsky Sorry, Peggy, but Trump did beat Hillary, otherwise, she'd be president. I hope the Democrats learned from that, but I'm not convinced they did.
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Jonathan Long

Jonathan Long Sloan Bashinsky no he did not win. Hillary won by thousands of popular votes. It was screwing with the electoral votes. Look at the facts and stop listening to Trump's constant lies.!!

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Peggy Butler Sloan Bashinsky You're wrong, Sloan. She had three million more popular votes than he did.
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Heartsong Moore

Heartsong Moore Three millions voted against Donald's vast dishonestly dangerous darkness. Reality Matters
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Sloan Bashinsky

Sloan Bashinsky Heartsong Moore Reality is, Trump is president and the November election is upon America.
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Jonathan Long

Jonathan Long Sloan ,But he got there as a con artist and still is! His Daddy bailed him out many times giving him millions and the Saudis bailed him out buying his yacht and real estate. Hechas failed casinos.He has no money of his own and lied to you from the beginning. Do some research if you have some smarts!!!
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Sloan Bashinsky

Sloan Bashinsky Jonathan Long I know all of this, and plenty more, and it does not change that he is the president, nor does bitching about it. If the Dems don't take back Congress, or at least the House of Representatives, this November, it's gonna get worse.
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Jonathan Long

Jonathan Long Sloan Bashinsky you are right about that! This country is going down if the Dems don't take charge again! Trump will be in jail soon anyway!
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Sloan Bashinsky

Sloan Bashinsky Amen. I included this very timely FB thread in the post at my blog today.
https://afoolsworkneverends.blogspot.com/.../rico-louise...
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Sloan Bashinsky

Sloan Bashinsky From what I have read online, even some Republicans are steamed about Trump's handling of the journalist's death and his ties with the Saudis. Maybe enough about that will come to light to cause many Republicans to wish they never heard of Donald Trump. But I doubt anything that comes out about him will matter to his base. That's how it is in cults.
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Peggy Butler Did you see those fools cheering him when he said anyone who body slams a reporter was his kind of guy? How crass after what just happened to one of our reporters. And they loved it! If that doesn't prove they're an immoral and indecent cult, nothing will!
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Sloan Bashinsky

Sloan Bashinsky There's a bit more to Trumpland being a cult. Then, there is the demon in residence, and I don't mean Trump. Don't worry, a demon in residence in Hillaryland, too. From what I've heard Biden is a decent man overall. I think Trump would make him out. otherwise, though. Might be Stormy Daniels and her lawyer, Michael Avenatti are in Trump's league for dishing out insults. Avenatti announced the other day he is seriously considering running against Trump in 2020, as a Democrat.
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Peggy Butler I don't think there's anything Trump could say about Joe Biden that would turn anyone against him. He and his life are an open book and he is one of the most decent men in America today.
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Heartsong Moore

Heartsong Moore LoloL Sloan Bashinsky 44+ years i have known the deeply Con Man. Tis AMAZING so many don't know his Way Long Years with Russia -- and Literally Focused with Russian Mafias -- for setting-up his STEALING Casino Thievery. sigh...How long till his unaware voters LEARN -- that they somehow have not known him at all? Good Lord!
Peace
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Sloan Bashinsky

Sloan Bashinsky Peggy Butler Hope you are right abut Biden; alas, look at what came about about Hillary after the got the Dems nomination.
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Sloan Bashinsky

Sloan Bashinsky Heartsong Moore How long did it take Jim Jones' lemmings to wake up? I don't like the Dems, either, but they seem to be the only political party with a chance to prevent a Republican coup: adios Constitution. 
Open this link and read what Ivana Trump revealed:
https://www.independent.co.uk/.../donald-trump-adolf...
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Peggy Butler Sloan Bashinsky But they were lies about Hillary, Sloan. You know that.
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Sloan Bashinsky

Sloan Bashinsky Peggy, your thinking about Hillary reminds me of how Trump's base thinks about him
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Peggy Butler Sloan Bashinsky Sloan, the difference is that I don't worship the ground she walks on and the things he was saying about her were truly lies. He stands up there and talks like a gangster and praises criminal actions. Hillary never did things like that. I was for Bernie before he lost the primary and Hillary was my second choice.
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Sloan Bashinsky

Sloan Bashinsky I would have voted for Bernie, but he did not make the DNC-Hillary cut, as I recall. If you have not seen Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 11/9", I hope you do. Every Democrat should see it. They will love what Moore does to Trump, and they might get up and walk out over what he does to Obama and Hillary and Bill Clinton. I imagine that's why this film didn't do well at the box office - yet. I would vote for Moore, if he ran for president. After seeing Bernie and Elizabeth Warren both say on TV, at different times, that Hillary was not fit to be president, and then later, at different times, they both were on TV with Hillary, hugging her, endorsing her, I wanted nothing to do with either Bernie or Warren, and hoped the Dems would come up with someone genuine. Perhaps that's Biden. I voted for Jill Stein, because I felt what America most really needed was a women in the White House. Hillary looked to me like a man in female garb, a shapeshifter. Well, she did start out being a Barry Goldwater disciple. Moore called her and hubby Bill and Obama Republicans, actually, who had abandoned the true Democratic Party. Recently Hillary said Bill did not abuse his power with Lewinsky. i wonder how many Hillary's there are. But that isn't really important. She's not president, Trump is. I hope the Democrat Party gets its act together. Not for my sake. But for America's sake. For my children and grandchildren's sake. For God's sake.
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Sloan Bashinsky

Sloan Bashinsky As for lies about Hillary, I was not talking about what came out of Trump's mouth, but what the Russians and Wikileaks provided. A Key West lawyer friend and I got to talking yesterday. He said Trump would rather climb a tree and lie, than stay on the ground and tell the truth. Summed it up. 

As for Trump buying electoral votes, Trump said during 2016 that the election was rigged. In Fahrenheit 11/9 is seen how Hillary rigged the West Virginia delegation to cast more votes at the Democratic National Convention for her than for Bernie, even though Bernie had carried every county in that state. 

I think Trump figured the election was rigged in his favor by the Russians, and he pointed the finger at Hillary as a military diversion maneuver. 

I hope the Dems retake the House of Representatives in November, not because I think they deserve it, but because of what might happen if they don't do it.

Yesterday afternoon, I watched Alabama beat up on Tennessee on the wide screen in Jack Flats sports bar, which I joked a few times yesterday is my assisted living facility where the wait staff look after me.

Near me were a man and woman maybe in their sixties in colorful shirts. I'd had no conversation with them, but was talking with the fellow next to me about the game, and perhaps the couple overheard some of that.

Anyway, a referee called a targeting foul on an Alabama defensive back tackling a Tennessee ball carrier helmet to helmet. Striking with the helmet of an opposing player's head or neck is targeting. Such a foul is not only a 15-yard penalty, but automatic expulsion from the game. Targeting fouls are always reviewed with instant replay in the press box up high in the stadium, even as the viewing audience is shown the replay before the finally official ruling is made known.

I have long been a critic of Alabama players making dumb fouls. When I saw the tackle, it looked like it might be targeting. However, the replay showed the Alabama defender turned his helmet to the left away from the Tennessee ball carrier's helmet that had been lowered to hit the Alabama player's helmet - butt heads. The Tennessee ball carrier's helmet struck the Alabama defender's neck, and the Alabama defender's right shoulder struck the Tennessee ball carrier, and they both went down. Clearly, not targeting by the Alabama defender. The ball carrier is never charged with targeting for lowering his helmet and butting with it; that is permitted.

Before the official ruling, the man in the couple with the colorful shirts started chanting, "It's Alabama, no targeting is called against Alabama!" The official on high in the press box ruled it was not targeting, and that was announced by the official on the field and the yellow flag was picked up and there was no 15-yard penalty. 

The man kept chanting, "It's Alabama, no targeting against Alabama!" 

I told him the replay plainly showed the Alabama defender did not hit the Tennessee ball carrier with his helmet, but turned his helmet to the left and himself was struck in the neck by the Tennessee ball carrier's helmet. 

The man kept chanting, "It's Alabama, no targeting against Alabama!" 

His lady friend was egging him on.

I said, "You folks must be Donald Trump fans." 

The woman said they were.

The conversation escalated, then we all shut up. I felt guilty. I should have kept my big mouth shut. They soon left. I was not sad about that.

I said they must be Trump fans, because it had been my observation that it matters not to them what the facts are; they say whatever they want to say.

In all fairness to them, though, and my apology, the Democrats do it, too.

I misstate the facts sometimes, and when I do, the angels, or somebody they send, tell me about it.

I don't see any way to get paid a living wage for what I write. 

Maybe the answer to the question in my dream is, I am one of God's greatest disappointments. 

I was one of my father's greatest disappointments. 

I certainly disappointed myself.
sloanbashinsky@yahoo.com